I’m medicated properly, as per the doctor’s orders.
But it is seriously like the creativity and inspiration die when I’m on a regimen.
It makes me wonder what I’m really like now. I’ve never met my pure self. But being unmedicated for a few days is almost euphoric. My desire to create comes rebounding back in full force like a binging/restricting cycle.
How bad are my “bads” that it is better for me to be normal and productive and regimental and a contributing member of society? Is my real self that bad because I miss that part of me often and for all the progress I made to get to a stable enough place where I can have an identity crisis it is at least a good sign that I’m closer to normal human functionality.
This is an identity crisis nonetheless. No matter how well-rested or productive I am, I don’t feel like myself and I think that is what frightens me the most about mental health hygiene.